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Extreme, unacceptable situation and I can't attend work tomorrow morning
The 2019 Stack Overflow Developer Survey Results Are InShould I tell on my colleague for not keeping to assigned work-hours and abusing work-hours as break time?My employer thinks I'm not allowed to work overtime but I am, is it expected that I correct him?Company interested in hiring me, but I want to start in 2 years at the earliestNegotiating with a difficult company offering less than the market rate and trying to invalidate my previous work experienceCan I warn my manager of both professional and personal issues with a potential job applicant?How an employee can terminate a signed contract the starting date of the employment is not until 2 and half months?
.everyoneloves__top-leaderboard:empty,.everyoneloves__mid-leaderboard:empty,.everyoneloves__bot-mid-leaderboard:empty margin-bottom:0;
- My bride is pregnant.
- She lives 1500 km away from me, in another country, in a low-developed region where public transport is slow.
- I did not talk with her for 3 days. It was my mistake. She became shocked and now she wants to abort the child.
- I am currently on a train, traveling to her.
- Tomorrow morning I am supposed to go to work, as usual. I won't be able to. (It is now Sunday evening there).
- Very surely, I will be unable to work on both Monday and Tuesday.
I work for a small company in Germany. I've worked here for some years, longer than most employees, but there is no guarantee that I won't lose my job over an unexpected absence like this. The company seems tolerant above the average for such events, but their patience surely has a limit. I feel I am near this limit now.
Being in the IT department, I could work also remotely, even on the train. This is not the custom of the company, and I need a boss to approve that.
How should I maximize my chances not to lose my job and to lose the least possible respect by my bosses?
Would it be better if I explain this situation? This personal problem probably looks quite different through the eyes of my boss.
germany personal-problems
|
show 5 more comments
- My bride is pregnant.
- She lives 1500 km away from me, in another country, in a low-developed region where public transport is slow.
- I did not talk with her for 3 days. It was my mistake. She became shocked and now she wants to abort the child.
- I am currently on a train, traveling to her.
- Tomorrow morning I am supposed to go to work, as usual. I won't be able to. (It is now Sunday evening there).
- Very surely, I will be unable to work on both Monday and Tuesday.
I work for a small company in Germany. I've worked here for some years, longer than most employees, but there is no guarantee that I won't lose my job over an unexpected absence like this. The company seems tolerant above the average for such events, but their patience surely has a limit. I feel I am near this limit now.
Being in the IT department, I could work also remotely, even on the train. This is not the custom of the company, and I need a boss to approve that.
How should I maximize my chances not to lose my job and to lose the least possible respect by my bosses?
Would it be better if I explain this situation? This personal problem probably looks quite different through the eyes of my boss.
germany personal-problems
76
"And feel I near this limit now" why do you feel that way? It seems this is a one-time occurrence for you, what else happened that you think they reached a "limit"?
– nvoigt
yesterday
3
(With a reason, communicated properly) Why not showing up at work will cause you lose your job? That's what extreme.
– Sourav Ghosh
yesterday
1
Are you a regular employee or a contractor? How much of the situation is already known to your boss? Surely they know you are married, do they know your wife is pregnant?
– nvoigt
yesterday
8
I suspect you aren't using "Bride" quite correctly. "Bride" usually refers to a woman who is currently in the process of getting married. "Wife" is a woman who is married. "Engaged" is someone who is going to get married. "My Wife" refers to someone who is married to you; "My Bride" is someone you are currently getting married to. (the exact period over which you are "getting married" as opposed to "being married" is fuzzy, admittedly)
– Yakk
yesterday
6
@Yakk English is probably not their first language. The substance of the question or answers would not be significantly different if it was correctly "girlfriend," "fiance," "wife," "future mother of my child," or even "side piece."
– corsiKa
14 hours ago
|
show 5 more comments
- My bride is pregnant.
- She lives 1500 km away from me, in another country, in a low-developed region where public transport is slow.
- I did not talk with her for 3 days. It was my mistake. She became shocked and now she wants to abort the child.
- I am currently on a train, traveling to her.
- Tomorrow morning I am supposed to go to work, as usual. I won't be able to. (It is now Sunday evening there).
- Very surely, I will be unable to work on both Monday and Tuesday.
I work for a small company in Germany. I've worked here for some years, longer than most employees, but there is no guarantee that I won't lose my job over an unexpected absence like this. The company seems tolerant above the average for such events, but their patience surely has a limit. I feel I am near this limit now.
Being in the IT department, I could work also remotely, even on the train. This is not the custom of the company, and I need a boss to approve that.
How should I maximize my chances not to lose my job and to lose the least possible respect by my bosses?
Would it be better if I explain this situation? This personal problem probably looks quite different through the eyes of my boss.
germany personal-problems
- My bride is pregnant.
- She lives 1500 km away from me, in another country, in a low-developed region where public transport is slow.
- I did not talk with her for 3 days. It was my mistake. She became shocked and now she wants to abort the child.
- I am currently on a train, traveling to her.
- Tomorrow morning I am supposed to go to work, as usual. I won't be able to. (It is now Sunday evening there).
- Very surely, I will be unable to work on both Monday and Tuesday.
I work for a small company in Germany. I've worked here for some years, longer than most employees, but there is no guarantee that I won't lose my job over an unexpected absence like this. The company seems tolerant above the average for such events, but their patience surely has a limit. I feel I am near this limit now.
Being in the IT department, I could work also remotely, even on the train. This is not the custom of the company, and I need a boss to approve that.
How should I maximize my chances not to lose my job and to lose the least possible respect by my bosses?
Would it be better if I explain this situation? This personal problem probably looks quite different through the eyes of my boss.
germany personal-problems
germany personal-problems
edited 10 mins ago
Community♦
1
1
asked yesterday
Gray SheepGray Sheep
1,95541427
1,95541427
76
"And feel I near this limit now" why do you feel that way? It seems this is a one-time occurrence for you, what else happened that you think they reached a "limit"?
– nvoigt
yesterday
3
(With a reason, communicated properly) Why not showing up at work will cause you lose your job? That's what extreme.
– Sourav Ghosh
yesterday
1
Are you a regular employee or a contractor? How much of the situation is already known to your boss? Surely they know you are married, do they know your wife is pregnant?
– nvoigt
yesterday
8
I suspect you aren't using "Bride" quite correctly. "Bride" usually refers to a woman who is currently in the process of getting married. "Wife" is a woman who is married. "Engaged" is someone who is going to get married. "My Wife" refers to someone who is married to you; "My Bride" is someone you are currently getting married to. (the exact period over which you are "getting married" as opposed to "being married" is fuzzy, admittedly)
– Yakk
yesterday
6
@Yakk English is probably not their first language. The substance of the question or answers would not be significantly different if it was correctly "girlfriend," "fiance," "wife," "future mother of my child," or even "side piece."
– corsiKa
14 hours ago
|
show 5 more comments
76
"And feel I near this limit now" why do you feel that way? It seems this is a one-time occurrence for you, what else happened that you think they reached a "limit"?
– nvoigt
yesterday
3
(With a reason, communicated properly) Why not showing up at work will cause you lose your job? That's what extreme.
– Sourav Ghosh
yesterday
1
Are you a regular employee or a contractor? How much of the situation is already known to your boss? Surely they know you are married, do they know your wife is pregnant?
– nvoigt
yesterday
8
I suspect you aren't using "Bride" quite correctly. "Bride" usually refers to a woman who is currently in the process of getting married. "Wife" is a woman who is married. "Engaged" is someone who is going to get married. "My Wife" refers to someone who is married to you; "My Bride" is someone you are currently getting married to. (the exact period over which you are "getting married" as opposed to "being married" is fuzzy, admittedly)
– Yakk
yesterday
6
@Yakk English is probably not their first language. The substance of the question or answers would not be significantly different if it was correctly "girlfriend," "fiance," "wife," "future mother of my child," or even "side piece."
– corsiKa
14 hours ago
76
76
"And feel I near this limit now" why do you feel that way? It seems this is a one-time occurrence for you, what else happened that you think they reached a "limit"?
– nvoigt
yesterday
"And feel I near this limit now" why do you feel that way? It seems this is a one-time occurrence for you, what else happened that you think they reached a "limit"?
– nvoigt
yesterday
3
3
(With a reason, communicated properly) Why not showing up at work will cause you lose your job? That's what extreme.
– Sourav Ghosh
yesterday
(With a reason, communicated properly) Why not showing up at work will cause you lose your job? That's what extreme.
– Sourav Ghosh
yesterday
1
1
Are you a regular employee or a contractor? How much of the situation is already known to your boss? Surely they know you are married, do they know your wife is pregnant?
– nvoigt
yesterday
Are you a regular employee or a contractor? How much of the situation is already known to your boss? Surely they know you are married, do they know your wife is pregnant?
– nvoigt
yesterday
8
8
I suspect you aren't using "Bride" quite correctly. "Bride" usually refers to a woman who is currently in the process of getting married. "Wife" is a woman who is married. "Engaged" is someone who is going to get married. "My Wife" refers to someone who is married to you; "My Bride" is someone you are currently getting married to. (the exact period over which you are "getting married" as opposed to "being married" is fuzzy, admittedly)
– Yakk
yesterday
I suspect you aren't using "Bride" quite correctly. "Bride" usually refers to a woman who is currently in the process of getting married. "Wife" is a woman who is married. "Engaged" is someone who is going to get married. "My Wife" refers to someone who is married to you; "My Bride" is someone you are currently getting married to. (the exact period over which you are "getting married" as opposed to "being married" is fuzzy, admittedly)
– Yakk
yesterday
6
6
@Yakk English is probably not their first language. The substance of the question or answers would not be significantly different if it was correctly "girlfriend," "fiance," "wife," "future mother of my child," or even "side piece."
– corsiKa
14 hours ago
@Yakk English is probably not their first language. The substance of the question or answers would not be significantly different if it was correctly "girlfriend," "fiance," "wife," "future mother of my child," or even "side piece."
– corsiKa
14 hours ago
|
show 5 more comments
5 Answers
5
active
oldest
votes
How to maximize my chance to not lose my job and to lose the least
possible respect by my bosses?
Call as soon as you can get through.
Tell your boss that a family emergency came up and you won't be there Monday or Tuesday.
Good luck.
27
@GraySheep - when I said "as soon as you can get through", I meant get through to work.
– Joe Strazzere
yesterday
93
Realistically, it's not going to make much difference to your boss if he finds out late on Sunday evening or early on Monday morning. In his shoes I'd prefer not to have my sleep interrupted though.
– Matthew Barber
yesterday
51
I think a text message and/or e-mail instead of calling would be better outside of working hours. As long as this doesn’t happen regularly I’d expect most managers to be tolerant and emphatic.
– Michael
yesterday
13
"Außergewöhnliche und unaufschiebbare Familienangelegenheit" for neutral tone that also conveys the seriousness of the situation
– Magisch
yesterday
8
Where is the medical emergency? His wife is pregnant (which in itself is surely no illness).
– FooTheBar
yesterday
|
show 13 more comments
contact your manager/boss by email/text. Tell him that there is a personal situation which requires your presence with your bride
call him/her in the morning
Don't be too specific on the details. If you don't ask for such things very often, then I would hope for the best.
5
I doubt "don't be too specific on the details" is a good recommendation. I would say the opposite: be open about the situation.
– Tero Lahtinen
yesterday
63
The boss will almost certainly ask the question "when will you be back at work." Think about the answer to that before you start the phone call!
– alephzero
yesterday
3
@kapex I see your point, but if the boss is likely not to understand the situation, I think she would also not understand the "Family emergency. Period." -approach any better.
– Tero Lahtinen
yesterday
7
There is definitely a lot of options between giving the boss every detail and "Family emergency. Period." Something like "I had a family emergency come up with my fiance so I will be out of the office until at least Wednesday and possibly not until Friday", which give a little more detail, is much more personable, but doesn't go into the fine details of what is going on for the OP
– Kevin Wells
yesterday
1
In addition to @alphazero: Think about the answer before you start the phone call AND provide a realistic prognosis. Dont call on Monday to say you will be there on Wednesday, than call Tuesday night to say you will be there on Thursday, and so on...
– Ivana
5 hours ago
|
show 3 more comments
The answers so far address the personal angle. Definitely call and explain (leaving out whatever personal details you wish).
From a legal perspective, google "Abwesenheit aus wichtigem persönlichen Grund" or similar phrases. Sadly, I'm in Austria right now and Google forces links related to Austrian law on me, but I remember from my time in Germany that this exists in German employee law as well.
IANAL but I have legal training and from my experience you should be legally in the clear. Another common use for this rule is people staying at home if their child is sick and the other parent can't take care of it (e.g. both parents are working).
Definitely do not falsely claim that you are sick. That would be grounds for an immediate termination if your lie is uncovered.
add a comment |
I live and work in Germany, and have been both boss and employee.
I would say that the best way to proceed depends on your boss. Every country is like this, but there is certainly still some xenophobia in Germany.
If your boss is friendly towards foreigners, then I would give him full disclosure. Tell him exactly what is going on.
If your boss is generally somebody that looks down on foreigners, then I would give him/her as little information as possible. Giving him information, such as the fact that you have a bride in another country will just fuel his/her fire, and give him more reason to dislike the situation. In this case, just say that you have an extremely important life or death family matter that must be dealt with immediately. In this case, we mean life or death of the baby, but do not tell the boss that. If he presses for details, I would just say that, "I would prefer not to discuss it." No respectable person would press you for more details. If he forces you to give a valid excuse, then I would tell him that you would be glad to talk to HR about the situation. I can't see how a boss needs to know about your personal situation.
14
Not sure this is relevant. Wife is living 1500km away, but that doesn't necessarily imply that OP is not German. In any case, he didn't mention any concern about possible xenophobia from his boss.
– dim
yesterday
4
You are right. I just assumed this to be the case.
– bremen_matt
yesterday
3
In any case, his hesitance toward just telling his boss seems to imply to me that he thinks that his boss will not take this well
– bremen_matt
yesterday
5
Then, again: the employee might still have Ukrain roots, be a russion speaker or whatever. German xenophobs recently came up with the wordPassdeutscher
meaning soemone is german because their passport says so, Not because of their bloodline/origin.
– Bernhard Döbler
yesterday
@BernhardDöbler Ah! Like the Swiss Papierschweizer
– Martin Bonner
yesterday
|
show 2 more comments
Already a bit late, but at the companies where I have worked this would be handled by calling the immediate superior and asking for a day off or two (Gleitzeit/Urlaub) because of a family emergency. HR and higher management would not even know that something unusual happened. However, if your company is very small, things might work differently.
Many German employees can also take sick leave for up to three days without seeing the doctor. But I would not recommend that in this case, as employers take that very seriously and some coworkers do not really like that either.
Even if your employer thinks that "troublesome girlfriend" is not a valid excuse for missing work, you might still just get a Abmahnung (kind of a last warning) instead of firing you. But that obviously depends a lot on your boss.
P.S. a short google search suggests that an Abmahnung is indeed mandatory before firing someone for missing work. I any case, I would still strongly suggest to try to solve this without getting an Abmahnung.
Note that the three sick days count calendar days, so that only allows him Monday.
– Martin Schröder
yesterday
1
No. Three calendar days means that if he gets sick on Friday, he has to see the doctor on Monday. If he gets sick on Monday, he has to see the doctor on Thursday. But as said, this is not what I would recommend anyway.
– Jan
yesterday
2
"Many German employees can also take sick leave for up to three days without seeing the doctor." Faking an illness can be grounds for immediate termination (Fristlose Kuendigung), so yeah that sounds like a less than brilliant plan indeed.
– Voo
19 hours ago
@Voo OP's situation causes a lot of tension and stress on him, which could/does affect his ability to work. I'd say that qualifies for a sick leave for psychological reasons. And I know there are general practitioners in Germany that certify the incapacity for work.
– Arsak
7 hours ago
I would still be careful with this. I personally would do this only if a) I am convinced I am unfit for work, b) I am convinced I can convince my boss I am unfit for work, or c) the choice is between potential termination if I get caught and certain termination if I have no excuse for not showing up to work (e.g. after a prior formal warning). I am not sure any of these apply here, thus "not recommended".
– Jan
6 hours ago
add a comment |
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5 Answers
5
active
oldest
votes
5 Answers
5
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
How to maximize my chance to not lose my job and to lose the least
possible respect by my bosses?
Call as soon as you can get through.
Tell your boss that a family emergency came up and you won't be there Monday or Tuesday.
Good luck.
27
@GraySheep - when I said "as soon as you can get through", I meant get through to work.
– Joe Strazzere
yesterday
93
Realistically, it's not going to make much difference to your boss if he finds out late on Sunday evening or early on Monday morning. In his shoes I'd prefer not to have my sleep interrupted though.
– Matthew Barber
yesterday
51
I think a text message and/or e-mail instead of calling would be better outside of working hours. As long as this doesn’t happen regularly I’d expect most managers to be tolerant and emphatic.
– Michael
yesterday
13
"Außergewöhnliche und unaufschiebbare Familienangelegenheit" for neutral tone that also conveys the seriousness of the situation
– Magisch
yesterday
8
Where is the medical emergency? His wife is pregnant (which in itself is surely no illness).
– FooTheBar
yesterday
|
show 13 more comments
How to maximize my chance to not lose my job and to lose the least
possible respect by my bosses?
Call as soon as you can get through.
Tell your boss that a family emergency came up and you won't be there Monday or Tuesday.
Good luck.
27
@GraySheep - when I said "as soon as you can get through", I meant get through to work.
– Joe Strazzere
yesterday
93
Realistically, it's not going to make much difference to your boss if he finds out late on Sunday evening or early on Monday morning. In his shoes I'd prefer not to have my sleep interrupted though.
– Matthew Barber
yesterday
51
I think a text message and/or e-mail instead of calling would be better outside of working hours. As long as this doesn’t happen regularly I’d expect most managers to be tolerant and emphatic.
– Michael
yesterday
13
"Außergewöhnliche und unaufschiebbare Familienangelegenheit" for neutral tone that also conveys the seriousness of the situation
– Magisch
yesterday
8
Where is the medical emergency? His wife is pregnant (which in itself is surely no illness).
– FooTheBar
yesterday
|
show 13 more comments
How to maximize my chance to not lose my job and to lose the least
possible respect by my bosses?
Call as soon as you can get through.
Tell your boss that a family emergency came up and you won't be there Monday or Tuesday.
Good luck.
How to maximize my chance to not lose my job and to lose the least
possible respect by my bosses?
Call as soon as you can get through.
Tell your boss that a family emergency came up and you won't be there Monday or Tuesday.
Good luck.
answered yesterday
Joe StrazzereJoe Strazzere
255k1317371050
255k1317371050
27
@GraySheep - when I said "as soon as you can get through", I meant get through to work.
– Joe Strazzere
yesterday
93
Realistically, it's not going to make much difference to your boss if he finds out late on Sunday evening or early on Monday morning. In his shoes I'd prefer not to have my sleep interrupted though.
– Matthew Barber
yesterday
51
I think a text message and/or e-mail instead of calling would be better outside of working hours. As long as this doesn’t happen regularly I’d expect most managers to be tolerant and emphatic.
– Michael
yesterday
13
"Außergewöhnliche und unaufschiebbare Familienangelegenheit" for neutral tone that also conveys the seriousness of the situation
– Magisch
yesterday
8
Where is the medical emergency? His wife is pregnant (which in itself is surely no illness).
– FooTheBar
yesterday
|
show 13 more comments
27
@GraySheep - when I said "as soon as you can get through", I meant get through to work.
– Joe Strazzere
yesterday
93
Realistically, it's not going to make much difference to your boss if he finds out late on Sunday evening or early on Monday morning. In his shoes I'd prefer not to have my sleep interrupted though.
– Matthew Barber
yesterday
51
I think a text message and/or e-mail instead of calling would be better outside of working hours. As long as this doesn’t happen regularly I’d expect most managers to be tolerant and emphatic.
– Michael
yesterday
13
"Außergewöhnliche und unaufschiebbare Familienangelegenheit" for neutral tone that also conveys the seriousness of the situation
– Magisch
yesterday
8
Where is the medical emergency? His wife is pregnant (which in itself is surely no illness).
– FooTheBar
yesterday
27
27
@GraySheep - when I said "as soon as you can get through", I meant get through to work.
– Joe Strazzere
yesterday
@GraySheep - when I said "as soon as you can get through", I meant get through to work.
– Joe Strazzere
yesterday
93
93
Realistically, it's not going to make much difference to your boss if he finds out late on Sunday evening or early on Monday morning. In his shoes I'd prefer not to have my sleep interrupted though.
– Matthew Barber
yesterday
Realistically, it's not going to make much difference to your boss if he finds out late on Sunday evening or early on Monday morning. In his shoes I'd prefer not to have my sleep interrupted though.
– Matthew Barber
yesterday
51
51
I think a text message and/or e-mail instead of calling would be better outside of working hours. As long as this doesn’t happen regularly I’d expect most managers to be tolerant and emphatic.
– Michael
yesterday
I think a text message and/or e-mail instead of calling would be better outside of working hours. As long as this doesn’t happen regularly I’d expect most managers to be tolerant and emphatic.
– Michael
yesterday
13
13
"Außergewöhnliche und unaufschiebbare Familienangelegenheit" for neutral tone that also conveys the seriousness of the situation
– Magisch
yesterday
"Außergewöhnliche und unaufschiebbare Familienangelegenheit" for neutral tone that also conveys the seriousness of the situation
– Magisch
yesterday
8
8
Where is the medical emergency? His wife is pregnant (which in itself is surely no illness).
– FooTheBar
yesterday
Where is the medical emergency? His wife is pregnant (which in itself is surely no illness).
– FooTheBar
yesterday
|
show 13 more comments
contact your manager/boss by email/text. Tell him that there is a personal situation which requires your presence with your bride
call him/her in the morning
Don't be too specific on the details. If you don't ask for such things very often, then I would hope for the best.
5
I doubt "don't be too specific on the details" is a good recommendation. I would say the opposite: be open about the situation.
– Tero Lahtinen
yesterday
63
The boss will almost certainly ask the question "when will you be back at work." Think about the answer to that before you start the phone call!
– alephzero
yesterday
3
@kapex I see your point, but if the boss is likely not to understand the situation, I think she would also not understand the "Family emergency. Period." -approach any better.
– Tero Lahtinen
yesterday
7
There is definitely a lot of options between giving the boss every detail and "Family emergency. Period." Something like "I had a family emergency come up with my fiance so I will be out of the office until at least Wednesday and possibly not until Friday", which give a little more detail, is much more personable, but doesn't go into the fine details of what is going on for the OP
– Kevin Wells
yesterday
1
In addition to @alphazero: Think about the answer before you start the phone call AND provide a realistic prognosis. Dont call on Monday to say you will be there on Wednesday, than call Tuesday night to say you will be there on Thursday, and so on...
– Ivana
5 hours ago
|
show 3 more comments
contact your manager/boss by email/text. Tell him that there is a personal situation which requires your presence with your bride
call him/her in the morning
Don't be too specific on the details. If you don't ask for such things very often, then I would hope for the best.
5
I doubt "don't be too specific on the details" is a good recommendation. I would say the opposite: be open about the situation.
– Tero Lahtinen
yesterday
63
The boss will almost certainly ask the question "when will you be back at work." Think about the answer to that before you start the phone call!
– alephzero
yesterday
3
@kapex I see your point, but if the boss is likely not to understand the situation, I think she would also not understand the "Family emergency. Period." -approach any better.
– Tero Lahtinen
yesterday
7
There is definitely a lot of options between giving the boss every detail and "Family emergency. Period." Something like "I had a family emergency come up with my fiance so I will be out of the office until at least Wednesday and possibly not until Friday", which give a little more detail, is much more personable, but doesn't go into the fine details of what is going on for the OP
– Kevin Wells
yesterday
1
In addition to @alphazero: Think about the answer before you start the phone call AND provide a realistic prognosis. Dont call on Monday to say you will be there on Wednesday, than call Tuesday night to say you will be there on Thursday, and so on...
– Ivana
5 hours ago
|
show 3 more comments
contact your manager/boss by email/text. Tell him that there is a personal situation which requires your presence with your bride
call him/her in the morning
Don't be too specific on the details. If you don't ask for such things very often, then I would hope for the best.
contact your manager/boss by email/text. Tell him that there is a personal situation which requires your presence with your bride
call him/her in the morning
Don't be too specific on the details. If you don't ask for such things very often, then I would hope for the best.
edited yesterday
user87779
10525
10525
answered yesterday
SaschaSascha
8,47721739
8,47721739
5
I doubt "don't be too specific on the details" is a good recommendation. I would say the opposite: be open about the situation.
– Tero Lahtinen
yesterday
63
The boss will almost certainly ask the question "when will you be back at work." Think about the answer to that before you start the phone call!
– alephzero
yesterday
3
@kapex I see your point, but if the boss is likely not to understand the situation, I think she would also not understand the "Family emergency. Period." -approach any better.
– Tero Lahtinen
yesterday
7
There is definitely a lot of options between giving the boss every detail and "Family emergency. Period." Something like "I had a family emergency come up with my fiance so I will be out of the office until at least Wednesday and possibly not until Friday", which give a little more detail, is much more personable, but doesn't go into the fine details of what is going on for the OP
– Kevin Wells
yesterday
1
In addition to @alphazero: Think about the answer before you start the phone call AND provide a realistic prognosis. Dont call on Monday to say you will be there on Wednesday, than call Tuesday night to say you will be there on Thursday, and so on...
– Ivana
5 hours ago
|
show 3 more comments
5
I doubt "don't be too specific on the details" is a good recommendation. I would say the opposite: be open about the situation.
– Tero Lahtinen
yesterday
63
The boss will almost certainly ask the question "when will you be back at work." Think about the answer to that before you start the phone call!
– alephzero
yesterday
3
@kapex I see your point, but if the boss is likely not to understand the situation, I think she would also not understand the "Family emergency. Period." -approach any better.
– Tero Lahtinen
yesterday
7
There is definitely a lot of options between giving the boss every detail and "Family emergency. Period." Something like "I had a family emergency come up with my fiance so I will be out of the office until at least Wednesday and possibly not until Friday", which give a little more detail, is much more personable, but doesn't go into the fine details of what is going on for the OP
– Kevin Wells
yesterday
1
In addition to @alphazero: Think about the answer before you start the phone call AND provide a realistic prognosis. Dont call on Monday to say you will be there on Wednesday, than call Tuesday night to say you will be there on Thursday, and so on...
– Ivana
5 hours ago
5
5
I doubt "don't be too specific on the details" is a good recommendation. I would say the opposite: be open about the situation.
– Tero Lahtinen
yesterday
I doubt "don't be too specific on the details" is a good recommendation. I would say the opposite: be open about the situation.
– Tero Lahtinen
yesterday
63
63
The boss will almost certainly ask the question "when will you be back at work." Think about the answer to that before you start the phone call!
– alephzero
yesterday
The boss will almost certainly ask the question "when will you be back at work." Think about the answer to that before you start the phone call!
– alephzero
yesterday
3
3
@kapex I see your point, but if the boss is likely not to understand the situation, I think she would also not understand the "Family emergency. Period." -approach any better.
– Tero Lahtinen
yesterday
@kapex I see your point, but if the boss is likely not to understand the situation, I think she would also not understand the "Family emergency. Period." -approach any better.
– Tero Lahtinen
yesterday
7
7
There is definitely a lot of options between giving the boss every detail and "Family emergency. Period." Something like "I had a family emergency come up with my fiance so I will be out of the office until at least Wednesday and possibly not until Friday", which give a little more detail, is much more personable, but doesn't go into the fine details of what is going on for the OP
– Kevin Wells
yesterday
There is definitely a lot of options between giving the boss every detail and "Family emergency. Period." Something like "I had a family emergency come up with my fiance so I will be out of the office until at least Wednesday and possibly not until Friday", which give a little more detail, is much more personable, but doesn't go into the fine details of what is going on for the OP
– Kevin Wells
yesterday
1
1
In addition to @alphazero: Think about the answer before you start the phone call AND provide a realistic prognosis. Dont call on Monday to say you will be there on Wednesday, than call Tuesday night to say you will be there on Thursday, and so on...
– Ivana
5 hours ago
In addition to @alphazero: Think about the answer before you start the phone call AND provide a realistic prognosis. Dont call on Monday to say you will be there on Wednesday, than call Tuesday night to say you will be there on Thursday, and so on...
– Ivana
5 hours ago
|
show 3 more comments
The answers so far address the personal angle. Definitely call and explain (leaving out whatever personal details you wish).
From a legal perspective, google "Abwesenheit aus wichtigem persönlichen Grund" or similar phrases. Sadly, I'm in Austria right now and Google forces links related to Austrian law on me, but I remember from my time in Germany that this exists in German employee law as well.
IANAL but I have legal training and from my experience you should be legally in the clear. Another common use for this rule is people staying at home if their child is sick and the other parent can't take care of it (e.g. both parents are working).
Definitely do not falsely claim that you are sick. That would be grounds for an immediate termination if your lie is uncovered.
add a comment |
The answers so far address the personal angle. Definitely call and explain (leaving out whatever personal details you wish).
From a legal perspective, google "Abwesenheit aus wichtigem persönlichen Grund" or similar phrases. Sadly, I'm in Austria right now and Google forces links related to Austrian law on me, but I remember from my time in Germany that this exists in German employee law as well.
IANAL but I have legal training and from my experience you should be legally in the clear. Another common use for this rule is people staying at home if their child is sick and the other parent can't take care of it (e.g. both parents are working).
Definitely do not falsely claim that you are sick. That would be grounds for an immediate termination if your lie is uncovered.
add a comment |
The answers so far address the personal angle. Definitely call and explain (leaving out whatever personal details you wish).
From a legal perspective, google "Abwesenheit aus wichtigem persönlichen Grund" or similar phrases. Sadly, I'm in Austria right now and Google forces links related to Austrian law on me, but I remember from my time in Germany that this exists in German employee law as well.
IANAL but I have legal training and from my experience you should be legally in the clear. Another common use for this rule is people staying at home if their child is sick and the other parent can't take care of it (e.g. both parents are working).
Definitely do not falsely claim that you are sick. That would be grounds for an immediate termination if your lie is uncovered.
The answers so far address the personal angle. Definitely call and explain (leaving out whatever personal details you wish).
From a legal perspective, google "Abwesenheit aus wichtigem persönlichen Grund" or similar phrases. Sadly, I'm in Austria right now and Google forces links related to Austrian law on me, but I remember from my time in Germany that this exists in German employee law as well.
IANAL but I have legal training and from my experience you should be legally in the clear. Another common use for this rule is people staying at home if their child is sick and the other parent can't take care of it (e.g. both parents are working).
Definitely do not falsely claim that you are sick. That would be grounds for an immediate termination if your lie is uncovered.
answered yesterday
TomTom
5,5961423
5,5961423
add a comment |
add a comment |
I live and work in Germany, and have been both boss and employee.
I would say that the best way to proceed depends on your boss. Every country is like this, but there is certainly still some xenophobia in Germany.
If your boss is friendly towards foreigners, then I would give him full disclosure. Tell him exactly what is going on.
If your boss is generally somebody that looks down on foreigners, then I would give him/her as little information as possible. Giving him information, such as the fact that you have a bride in another country will just fuel his/her fire, and give him more reason to dislike the situation. In this case, just say that you have an extremely important life or death family matter that must be dealt with immediately. In this case, we mean life or death of the baby, but do not tell the boss that. If he presses for details, I would just say that, "I would prefer not to discuss it." No respectable person would press you for more details. If he forces you to give a valid excuse, then I would tell him that you would be glad to talk to HR about the situation. I can't see how a boss needs to know about your personal situation.
14
Not sure this is relevant. Wife is living 1500km away, but that doesn't necessarily imply that OP is not German. In any case, he didn't mention any concern about possible xenophobia from his boss.
– dim
yesterday
4
You are right. I just assumed this to be the case.
– bremen_matt
yesterday
3
In any case, his hesitance toward just telling his boss seems to imply to me that he thinks that his boss will not take this well
– bremen_matt
yesterday
5
Then, again: the employee might still have Ukrain roots, be a russion speaker or whatever. German xenophobs recently came up with the wordPassdeutscher
meaning soemone is german because their passport says so, Not because of their bloodline/origin.
– Bernhard Döbler
yesterday
@BernhardDöbler Ah! Like the Swiss Papierschweizer
– Martin Bonner
yesterday
|
show 2 more comments
I live and work in Germany, and have been both boss and employee.
I would say that the best way to proceed depends on your boss. Every country is like this, but there is certainly still some xenophobia in Germany.
If your boss is friendly towards foreigners, then I would give him full disclosure. Tell him exactly what is going on.
If your boss is generally somebody that looks down on foreigners, then I would give him/her as little information as possible. Giving him information, such as the fact that you have a bride in another country will just fuel his/her fire, and give him more reason to dislike the situation. In this case, just say that you have an extremely important life or death family matter that must be dealt with immediately. In this case, we mean life or death of the baby, but do not tell the boss that. If he presses for details, I would just say that, "I would prefer not to discuss it." No respectable person would press you for more details. If he forces you to give a valid excuse, then I would tell him that you would be glad to talk to HR about the situation. I can't see how a boss needs to know about your personal situation.
14
Not sure this is relevant. Wife is living 1500km away, but that doesn't necessarily imply that OP is not German. In any case, he didn't mention any concern about possible xenophobia from his boss.
– dim
yesterday
4
You are right. I just assumed this to be the case.
– bremen_matt
yesterday
3
In any case, his hesitance toward just telling his boss seems to imply to me that he thinks that his boss will not take this well
– bremen_matt
yesterday
5
Then, again: the employee might still have Ukrain roots, be a russion speaker or whatever. German xenophobs recently came up with the wordPassdeutscher
meaning soemone is german because their passport says so, Not because of their bloodline/origin.
– Bernhard Döbler
yesterday
@BernhardDöbler Ah! Like the Swiss Papierschweizer
– Martin Bonner
yesterday
|
show 2 more comments
I live and work in Germany, and have been both boss and employee.
I would say that the best way to proceed depends on your boss. Every country is like this, but there is certainly still some xenophobia in Germany.
If your boss is friendly towards foreigners, then I would give him full disclosure. Tell him exactly what is going on.
If your boss is generally somebody that looks down on foreigners, then I would give him/her as little information as possible. Giving him information, such as the fact that you have a bride in another country will just fuel his/her fire, and give him more reason to dislike the situation. In this case, just say that you have an extremely important life or death family matter that must be dealt with immediately. In this case, we mean life or death of the baby, but do not tell the boss that. If he presses for details, I would just say that, "I would prefer not to discuss it." No respectable person would press you for more details. If he forces you to give a valid excuse, then I would tell him that you would be glad to talk to HR about the situation. I can't see how a boss needs to know about your personal situation.
I live and work in Germany, and have been both boss and employee.
I would say that the best way to proceed depends on your boss. Every country is like this, but there is certainly still some xenophobia in Germany.
If your boss is friendly towards foreigners, then I would give him full disclosure. Tell him exactly what is going on.
If your boss is generally somebody that looks down on foreigners, then I would give him/her as little information as possible. Giving him information, such as the fact that you have a bride in another country will just fuel his/her fire, and give him more reason to dislike the situation. In this case, just say that you have an extremely important life or death family matter that must be dealt with immediately. In this case, we mean life or death of the baby, but do not tell the boss that. If he presses for details, I would just say that, "I would prefer not to discuss it." No respectable person would press you for more details. If he forces you to give a valid excuse, then I would tell him that you would be glad to talk to HR about the situation. I can't see how a boss needs to know about your personal situation.
edited yesterday
answered yesterday
bremen_mattbremen_matt
27515
27515
14
Not sure this is relevant. Wife is living 1500km away, but that doesn't necessarily imply that OP is not German. In any case, he didn't mention any concern about possible xenophobia from his boss.
– dim
yesterday
4
You are right. I just assumed this to be the case.
– bremen_matt
yesterday
3
In any case, his hesitance toward just telling his boss seems to imply to me that he thinks that his boss will not take this well
– bremen_matt
yesterday
5
Then, again: the employee might still have Ukrain roots, be a russion speaker or whatever. German xenophobs recently came up with the wordPassdeutscher
meaning soemone is german because their passport says so, Not because of their bloodline/origin.
– Bernhard Döbler
yesterday
@BernhardDöbler Ah! Like the Swiss Papierschweizer
– Martin Bonner
yesterday
|
show 2 more comments
14
Not sure this is relevant. Wife is living 1500km away, but that doesn't necessarily imply that OP is not German. In any case, he didn't mention any concern about possible xenophobia from his boss.
– dim
yesterday
4
You are right. I just assumed this to be the case.
– bremen_matt
yesterday
3
In any case, his hesitance toward just telling his boss seems to imply to me that he thinks that his boss will not take this well
– bremen_matt
yesterday
5
Then, again: the employee might still have Ukrain roots, be a russion speaker or whatever. German xenophobs recently came up with the wordPassdeutscher
meaning soemone is german because their passport says so, Not because of their bloodline/origin.
– Bernhard Döbler
yesterday
@BernhardDöbler Ah! Like the Swiss Papierschweizer
– Martin Bonner
yesterday
14
14
Not sure this is relevant. Wife is living 1500km away, but that doesn't necessarily imply that OP is not German. In any case, he didn't mention any concern about possible xenophobia from his boss.
– dim
yesterday
Not sure this is relevant. Wife is living 1500km away, but that doesn't necessarily imply that OP is not German. In any case, he didn't mention any concern about possible xenophobia from his boss.
– dim
yesterday
4
4
You are right. I just assumed this to be the case.
– bremen_matt
yesterday
You are right. I just assumed this to be the case.
– bremen_matt
yesterday
3
3
In any case, his hesitance toward just telling his boss seems to imply to me that he thinks that his boss will not take this well
– bremen_matt
yesterday
In any case, his hesitance toward just telling his boss seems to imply to me that he thinks that his boss will not take this well
– bremen_matt
yesterday
5
5
Then, again: the employee might still have Ukrain roots, be a russion speaker or whatever. German xenophobs recently came up with the word
Passdeutscher
meaning soemone is german because their passport says so, Not because of their bloodline/origin.– Bernhard Döbler
yesterday
Then, again: the employee might still have Ukrain roots, be a russion speaker or whatever. German xenophobs recently came up with the word
Passdeutscher
meaning soemone is german because their passport says so, Not because of their bloodline/origin.– Bernhard Döbler
yesterday
@BernhardDöbler Ah! Like the Swiss Papierschweizer
– Martin Bonner
yesterday
@BernhardDöbler Ah! Like the Swiss Papierschweizer
– Martin Bonner
yesterday
|
show 2 more comments
Already a bit late, but at the companies where I have worked this would be handled by calling the immediate superior and asking for a day off or two (Gleitzeit/Urlaub) because of a family emergency. HR and higher management would not even know that something unusual happened. However, if your company is very small, things might work differently.
Many German employees can also take sick leave for up to three days without seeing the doctor. But I would not recommend that in this case, as employers take that very seriously and some coworkers do not really like that either.
Even if your employer thinks that "troublesome girlfriend" is not a valid excuse for missing work, you might still just get a Abmahnung (kind of a last warning) instead of firing you. But that obviously depends a lot on your boss.
P.S. a short google search suggests that an Abmahnung is indeed mandatory before firing someone for missing work. I any case, I would still strongly suggest to try to solve this without getting an Abmahnung.
Note that the three sick days count calendar days, so that only allows him Monday.
– Martin Schröder
yesterday
1
No. Three calendar days means that if he gets sick on Friday, he has to see the doctor on Monday. If he gets sick on Monday, he has to see the doctor on Thursday. But as said, this is not what I would recommend anyway.
– Jan
yesterday
2
"Many German employees can also take sick leave for up to three days without seeing the doctor." Faking an illness can be grounds for immediate termination (Fristlose Kuendigung), so yeah that sounds like a less than brilliant plan indeed.
– Voo
19 hours ago
@Voo OP's situation causes a lot of tension and stress on him, which could/does affect his ability to work. I'd say that qualifies for a sick leave for psychological reasons. And I know there are general practitioners in Germany that certify the incapacity for work.
– Arsak
7 hours ago
I would still be careful with this. I personally would do this only if a) I am convinced I am unfit for work, b) I am convinced I can convince my boss I am unfit for work, or c) the choice is between potential termination if I get caught and certain termination if I have no excuse for not showing up to work (e.g. after a prior formal warning). I am not sure any of these apply here, thus "not recommended".
– Jan
6 hours ago
add a comment |
Already a bit late, but at the companies where I have worked this would be handled by calling the immediate superior and asking for a day off or two (Gleitzeit/Urlaub) because of a family emergency. HR and higher management would not even know that something unusual happened. However, if your company is very small, things might work differently.
Many German employees can also take sick leave for up to three days without seeing the doctor. But I would not recommend that in this case, as employers take that very seriously and some coworkers do not really like that either.
Even if your employer thinks that "troublesome girlfriend" is not a valid excuse for missing work, you might still just get a Abmahnung (kind of a last warning) instead of firing you. But that obviously depends a lot on your boss.
P.S. a short google search suggests that an Abmahnung is indeed mandatory before firing someone for missing work. I any case, I would still strongly suggest to try to solve this without getting an Abmahnung.
Note that the three sick days count calendar days, so that only allows him Monday.
– Martin Schröder
yesterday
1
No. Three calendar days means that if he gets sick on Friday, he has to see the doctor on Monday. If he gets sick on Monday, he has to see the doctor on Thursday. But as said, this is not what I would recommend anyway.
– Jan
yesterday
2
"Many German employees can also take sick leave for up to three days without seeing the doctor." Faking an illness can be grounds for immediate termination (Fristlose Kuendigung), so yeah that sounds like a less than brilliant plan indeed.
– Voo
19 hours ago
@Voo OP's situation causes a lot of tension and stress on him, which could/does affect his ability to work. I'd say that qualifies for a sick leave for psychological reasons. And I know there are general practitioners in Germany that certify the incapacity for work.
– Arsak
7 hours ago
I would still be careful with this. I personally would do this only if a) I am convinced I am unfit for work, b) I am convinced I can convince my boss I am unfit for work, or c) the choice is between potential termination if I get caught and certain termination if I have no excuse for not showing up to work (e.g. after a prior formal warning). I am not sure any of these apply here, thus "not recommended".
– Jan
6 hours ago
add a comment |
Already a bit late, but at the companies where I have worked this would be handled by calling the immediate superior and asking for a day off or two (Gleitzeit/Urlaub) because of a family emergency. HR and higher management would not even know that something unusual happened. However, if your company is very small, things might work differently.
Many German employees can also take sick leave for up to three days without seeing the doctor. But I would not recommend that in this case, as employers take that very seriously and some coworkers do not really like that either.
Even if your employer thinks that "troublesome girlfriend" is not a valid excuse for missing work, you might still just get a Abmahnung (kind of a last warning) instead of firing you. But that obviously depends a lot on your boss.
P.S. a short google search suggests that an Abmahnung is indeed mandatory before firing someone for missing work. I any case, I would still strongly suggest to try to solve this without getting an Abmahnung.
Already a bit late, but at the companies where I have worked this would be handled by calling the immediate superior and asking for a day off or two (Gleitzeit/Urlaub) because of a family emergency. HR and higher management would not even know that something unusual happened. However, if your company is very small, things might work differently.
Many German employees can also take sick leave for up to three days without seeing the doctor. But I would not recommend that in this case, as employers take that very seriously and some coworkers do not really like that either.
Even if your employer thinks that "troublesome girlfriend" is not a valid excuse for missing work, you might still just get a Abmahnung (kind of a last warning) instead of firing you. But that obviously depends a lot on your boss.
P.S. a short google search suggests that an Abmahnung is indeed mandatory before firing someone for missing work. I any case, I would still strongly suggest to try to solve this without getting an Abmahnung.
edited yesterday
answered yesterday
JanJan
1173
1173
Note that the three sick days count calendar days, so that only allows him Monday.
– Martin Schröder
yesterday
1
No. Three calendar days means that if he gets sick on Friday, he has to see the doctor on Monday. If he gets sick on Monday, he has to see the doctor on Thursday. But as said, this is not what I would recommend anyway.
– Jan
yesterday
2
"Many German employees can also take sick leave for up to three days without seeing the doctor." Faking an illness can be grounds for immediate termination (Fristlose Kuendigung), so yeah that sounds like a less than brilliant plan indeed.
– Voo
19 hours ago
@Voo OP's situation causes a lot of tension and stress on him, which could/does affect his ability to work. I'd say that qualifies for a sick leave for psychological reasons. And I know there are general practitioners in Germany that certify the incapacity for work.
– Arsak
7 hours ago
I would still be careful with this. I personally would do this only if a) I am convinced I am unfit for work, b) I am convinced I can convince my boss I am unfit for work, or c) the choice is between potential termination if I get caught and certain termination if I have no excuse for not showing up to work (e.g. after a prior formal warning). I am not sure any of these apply here, thus "not recommended".
– Jan
6 hours ago
add a comment |
Note that the three sick days count calendar days, so that only allows him Monday.
– Martin Schröder
yesterday
1
No. Three calendar days means that if he gets sick on Friday, he has to see the doctor on Monday. If he gets sick on Monday, he has to see the doctor on Thursday. But as said, this is not what I would recommend anyway.
– Jan
yesterday
2
"Many German employees can also take sick leave for up to three days without seeing the doctor." Faking an illness can be grounds for immediate termination (Fristlose Kuendigung), so yeah that sounds like a less than brilliant plan indeed.
– Voo
19 hours ago
@Voo OP's situation causes a lot of tension and stress on him, which could/does affect his ability to work. I'd say that qualifies for a sick leave for psychological reasons. And I know there are general practitioners in Germany that certify the incapacity for work.
– Arsak
7 hours ago
I would still be careful with this. I personally would do this only if a) I am convinced I am unfit for work, b) I am convinced I can convince my boss I am unfit for work, or c) the choice is between potential termination if I get caught and certain termination if I have no excuse for not showing up to work (e.g. after a prior formal warning). I am not sure any of these apply here, thus "not recommended".
– Jan
6 hours ago
Note that the three sick days count calendar days, so that only allows him Monday.
– Martin Schröder
yesterday
Note that the three sick days count calendar days, so that only allows him Monday.
– Martin Schröder
yesterday
1
1
No. Three calendar days means that if he gets sick on Friday, he has to see the doctor on Monday. If he gets sick on Monday, he has to see the doctor on Thursday. But as said, this is not what I would recommend anyway.
– Jan
yesterday
No. Three calendar days means that if he gets sick on Friday, he has to see the doctor on Monday. If he gets sick on Monday, he has to see the doctor on Thursday. But as said, this is not what I would recommend anyway.
– Jan
yesterday
2
2
"Many German employees can also take sick leave for up to three days without seeing the doctor." Faking an illness can be grounds for immediate termination (Fristlose Kuendigung), so yeah that sounds like a less than brilliant plan indeed.
– Voo
19 hours ago
"Many German employees can also take sick leave for up to three days without seeing the doctor." Faking an illness can be grounds for immediate termination (Fristlose Kuendigung), so yeah that sounds like a less than brilliant plan indeed.
– Voo
19 hours ago
@Voo OP's situation causes a lot of tension and stress on him, which could/does affect his ability to work. I'd say that qualifies for a sick leave for psychological reasons. And I know there are general practitioners in Germany that certify the incapacity for work.
– Arsak
7 hours ago
@Voo OP's situation causes a lot of tension and stress on him, which could/does affect his ability to work. I'd say that qualifies for a sick leave for psychological reasons. And I know there are general practitioners in Germany that certify the incapacity for work.
– Arsak
7 hours ago
I would still be careful with this. I personally would do this only if a) I am convinced I am unfit for work, b) I am convinced I can convince my boss I am unfit for work, or c) the choice is between potential termination if I get caught and certain termination if I have no excuse for not showing up to work (e.g. after a prior formal warning). I am not sure any of these apply here, thus "not recommended".
– Jan
6 hours ago
I would still be careful with this. I personally would do this only if a) I am convinced I am unfit for work, b) I am convinced I can convince my boss I am unfit for work, or c) the choice is between potential termination if I get caught and certain termination if I have no excuse for not showing up to work (e.g. after a prior formal warning). I am not sure any of these apply here, thus "not recommended".
– Jan
6 hours ago
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76
"And feel I near this limit now" why do you feel that way? It seems this is a one-time occurrence for you, what else happened that you think they reached a "limit"?
– nvoigt
yesterday
3
(With a reason, communicated properly) Why not showing up at work will cause you lose your job? That's what extreme.
– Sourav Ghosh
yesterday
1
Are you a regular employee or a contractor? How much of the situation is already known to your boss? Surely they know you are married, do they know your wife is pregnant?
– nvoigt
yesterday
8
I suspect you aren't using "Bride" quite correctly. "Bride" usually refers to a woman who is currently in the process of getting married. "Wife" is a woman who is married. "Engaged" is someone who is going to get married. "My Wife" refers to someone who is married to you; "My Bride" is someone you are currently getting married to. (the exact period over which you are "getting married" as opposed to "being married" is fuzzy, admittedly)
– Yakk
yesterday
6
@Yakk English is probably not their first language. The substance of the question or answers would not be significantly different if it was correctly "girlfriend," "fiance," "wife," "future mother of my child," or even "side piece."
– corsiKa
14 hours ago